u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
