help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
She's not a foreskin expert like you
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize
