your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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