I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
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