My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
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