I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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