She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
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