living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
