my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
