just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
