Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
