Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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