i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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