Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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