i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
barbara walters just said penis...
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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