do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
