This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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