bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
