when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize