I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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