This girl is more easily done than said...
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
