so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
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