youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Randomize
