At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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