im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
How naked do you want me to be?
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
