just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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