Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
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