I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
OPIZZABONMYDICK
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
BRING THE BAGELS
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize