A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I checked into jail on foursquare
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
