Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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