Your dad touched me again.
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
