Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Randomize
