Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
