Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
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