Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize