My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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