well I can't set my house on fire every night
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
