I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
