He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
