he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
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