Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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