Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Randomize
