I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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