This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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