you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
