was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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