I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
