P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Randomize
