toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize