I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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