Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Success! We fucked roommates!
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
