will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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