hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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