oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Randomize
