I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
True strength comes from lack of pants
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
