I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
