ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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