I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
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