that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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