im gay
i know
yea but for you.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
