This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
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